Jason and Jenny

What an incredible experience. We just got to meet our son for the very first time. He was born one week ago. He is beautiful. Words can’t describe the feeling of meeting him and knowing he is ours.

How we got here

If you’ve been following our story these past few days, you’ll know that we weren’t expecting a boy just a few days ago. Well actually—Jenny thought we were having a boy from the beginning. She even bought boy bedding for the nursery the same day we ended up getting the call last week. She was convinced

But when we got the call, it was for a little girl in Memphis. We drove out here and met with the birth parents of that little girl, but as the days went by it started to look like they were going to parent after all. In the midst of it, we found out that a little boy had been born just a couple days earlier who was now in interim care, looking for parents.

This afternoon, our agency contacted the birth mother of the girl and we got some closure. She did decide to parent. We could see the mother’s love for that child when we met her and we respect her decision.

Our prayer is for that little girl to be safe, happy, and blessed with love as she grows up. We were glad God was able to let us meet and encourage her parents even though she was not our little girl.

Meeting our little boy

God had a different plan for us when He brought us to Memphis. He had a perfect little boy waiting for us, without any parents to care for him—just waiting for us. If we hadn’t been in Memphis already we may not have gotten him, but God was in control and knew exactly what needed to happen to get us here and ready to receive our son.

He was born one week ago, on Tuesday, January 25, 2011. He weighed 6 pounds, 13 ounces. Healthy. Beautiful.

His birth mother wanted a closed adoption, so we did not get to meet her and likely will not. While we would have loved an open adoption, we know that Jade (our kid on the way, from China) won’t know her birth parents either—so this way they can relate and support each other as brother and sister.

He was released from the hospital on Thursday and has been living with a wonderful family in “interim care” since then. We got to meet him at their house earlier this evening. It was amazing.

Here he is!

Bringing him home

He is still with the interim care family tonight. We go pick him up at 9am tomorrow. We’ll share his name with the world soon…so hold tight.

We didn’t hear much from our agency until around 5pm today. The birthmother’s social worker called and told us she had not gotten in touch with the birthmother. She called the birthfather’s family and they said the birthmother was trying to get the baby released today.

Pause.

What does this mean? Who knows? At one point the birthmother said she wanted to take baby girl home for two days to meet her family and then surrender her. The social worker tried to talk her out of this scenario, but she might be with baby at home – about to surrender her or  she decided to keep her.  OR baby girl could still be in the hospital. The birthmother didn’t sign anything with the agency, so they can’t inquire with the hospital as to the baby’s where abouts.

Unpause.

We talked about these scenerious with the social worker and what we should do and then the curve ball…

“We know you are wanting to get home and we don’t know where this is going, so I am going to let you know about about another situation. A baby BOY was born and is available. His mother surrendered her rights today, he is in interim care, if you want to do that, we can move forward with him.”

GULP… what???

We are lost little puppies right now. We’re waiting for a day or two to see what happens, but I think, either way, we are parents and coming home with a baby.

Please pray for clarity. For wisdom. For direction. For PEACE!

We’ve been trying to capture each step in journey to (possibly) adopt this little girl from Memphis. While we’re still waiting for word from the agency and birth parents, I thought we’d share the first leg of our journey in photo form:

Thursday

7:00pm

Our new friend, Jesse, comes over for dinner. We talk about how we could get a call from the adoption agency months from now, or later this night.

7:41pm

Debbie from our adoption agency calls to tell us a baby girl was born earlier this morning and the birth parents picked us to be the adoptive parents.

7:55pm

We snap a quick photo of our little family—excited to be adding one more soon!

8:00pm

The house is torn apart as we begin packing to be in Memphis for at least two weeks. We begin calling friends and family to let them know the news.

Jesse stays and does the dishes for us, despite our protests.

9:00pm

Our good friend Terra came over and stayed with us until after midnight ironing clothes, cleaning, helping decide what to bring.

Thankfully Jenny had made a long list of things we’d need in Memphis a few weeks ago. They were able to just tick through the list one item at a time.

1:00am

We’re finished packing and have even published a blog post sharing the news with the rest of our friends and family.

Duke and Dora are totally freaked out. We’ve just torn the house apart and stayed up WAY past our bed times.

They have no idea that their lives are about to change forever.

Friday

4:30am

Our alarm wakes us up. Time to load up the car.

5:30am

We’re on the road to Memphis. Only 11 hours to go!

2:00pm

Phone call with adoption agency. We learn that the birth parents may not be sure they want to make an adoption plan, but they want to meet us at the hospital.

4:00pm

We cross the Mississippi River into Memphis. Stop in at the Carroll’s house for an hour before heading over to The Med.

5:30pm

We’re at The Med, waiting for Debbie from the adoption agency.

5:45pm

We get to meet the birth parents in their hospital room. The baby is not with them, but we have a good visit.

We make a plan with Debbie after the meeting. We’re basically in Memphis for the next week, waiting to see what the birth parents decide.

8:00pm

Arrive at Habitat for Hope, where we are graciously being given a place to stay on this trip. We’re exhausted and collapse in the bed to sleep.

We’ve had several people asking how this process works and when they need to be praying. It is a bit different from state to state, but we have the details for Tennessee.

A word of warning: this is a long and technical post—one you may not want to dive into unless you are really interested in the details of how this baby might become our daughter.

Surrender

Surrender is a legal proceeding that can happen no sooner than 3 days after the baby is born. In our case, this would be Monday (1/31) at the earliest. It is a small proceeding at the court house.

Once completed, the parent has 10 days to change their mind—but they have to go back to court for another proceeding to do so. If they don’t take any action during those 10 days, their parental rights are terminated and they can not be given back.

Guardianship

Guardianship of the child transfers to the adoption agency during the surrender proceeding. At that point, while the agency is still the legal guardian, the child would be in our custody. This is when we could take her back to where we are staying and begin taking care of her.

In our case, however, the baby is still in the hospital due to low birth weight (she’s otherwise healthy!) so even if we did the surrender proceeding on Monday, she wouldn’t be with us 24/7 until she is released later in the week.

This period where the agency is the guardian but we have custody lasts 6 months. We are effectively the parents during this time.

The only way the child could be taken away is if we are shown to be unfit parents in a court of law. Our insurance will work as though everything is final. The only thing not final during this time is legal guardianship.

Interstate compact

The interstate compact is an agreement between the individual states of the U.S. that dictates how interstate adoptions work. If we do move forward to a surrender proceeding early next week, the only thing keeping us from heading back home to Austin will be getting some paperwork filed for this agreement. It can take a week or so to get clearance and a green light to cross state lines.

Final decree hearing

So, if we get this far, we’re back in Austin, the parental rights of the birth parents have been fully terminated, and we’re just waiting out this 6 month period where the adoption agency has guardianship. The last step to transfer guardianship over to us is the final decree hearing.

This is a court proceeding in Texas. We hire an adoption lawyer to represent us and stand before a judge. It is mostly a formality, but an important one as it completely changes the legal standing of this child.

After the final decree, the child gets a new birth certificate with our names on it. A new social security number even. At this point, it is legally as though she were born to us directly.

Step 1: waiting

We’re on the starting block. If we don’t start the race this week, we’re going to run it at some point. Maybe this is just a dress rehearsal. Maybe its the real deal. Right now, we’re waiting and learning to be patient and content.

What a crazy ride the last 24 hours have been! It’s hard to believe how much has happened in the span of  day.

The summary of our situation is that we’ve made it to Memphis. We got to spend an incredible hour of time with the birth parents of this little girl that was born yesterday. We discovered that the birth parents have not fully decided to make a plan for adoption yet, but do seem to be leaning in that direction. And we did not get to meet the little girl herself—at least not yet.

Over 24 hours, our emotional journey has gone from oblivious, to believing we had just become parents, to realizing this may or may not be our little girl—all experienced through the context of adrenaline, nerves, and sleep deprivation.

We are in a period of waiting now. The baby is likely to be in the hospital for much of the next week, due to its small size. The birth parents have our contact information and may be calling or texting us to get back together or just answer some more questions for them. We may have more news tomorrow…or possibly not until late next week.

To be honest, the waiting is pure agony. It has only been 24 hours and we already feel it to our core. We know that God is ultimately in control. He will bring us the child he has for our family—whether it be this little girl or another—in His timing. But knowing and believing that doesn’t take much of the edge off of the feelings we experience.

Yet, when we step back and look at things rationally, we are encouraged. This little girl is surrounded by people who love her and want the best for her. The fact that it has been so difficult for her birth mother and father to decide on adoption is a testament to the love they feel for her. Hundreds of people—in Memphis, Austin, and around the world—have been praying for this little child in the first hours it has had breath.

Even if this turns out not to be the daughter God has for us, it is such a blessing to a part of such an amazing first chapter in this little girl’s life.

Please pray for patience for Jenny and I, wisdom for the birth parents to deal with the weighty decisions before them, and for more love, compassion, and care to be showered upon this newborn that might—possibly—be our little girl one day.

Just a few hours ago we were having dinner at our house with a friend, talking about the adoption process. We said it was strange that it could be months from now or we could get a call tonight.

Not 10 minutes later, the phone rings. 901 area code. Memphis. Our adoption agency.

(we’re both a little bit freaking out at this point)

Jason answered the phone and put it on speaker. The social worker said, “well…I have some baby news!” – we’re really freaking out at this point.

She let us know a little girl was born this morning. Tiny, but healthy. 4 pounds, 11 ounces. African American. And her birth parents chose us to be her new parents.

She asked if we were interested. Like a lovestruck girlfriend surprised with a marriage proposal, our immediate response was “Yes, yes, YES!”

So we’ve spent the last few hours packing our bags. We’re driving to Memphis tomorrow morning. We’re going to meet our daughter tomorrow. Our daughter. So amazing.

There is, of course, the chance that the birth parents could change their mind and decide to parent. The social worker let us know it was unlikely, but something we have to be prepared for nonetheless. The window where that could happen is only open for the next week or two and, while we are taking an emotional risk getting attached to this little girl, we know it is worth it. Ultimately, it is in God’s hands. He knows if this is our daughter.

Adoption is awesome. The emotional ride of becoming a parent is so fascinating. We both went about our days today not even knowing that our daughter was born this morning. One minute we’re sitting at home eating dinner, the next we’re parents.

Time to start this amazing new journey!

We turned in our paperwork in December and were told at the time it would be anywhere from 2 hours  - 6 months before we got a call to be placed with baby Ford. There are only two couples willing to take an African American infant (us and another family). So, we could get a call any day. We have had MANY question about timing and fundraising. Here are the answers:

Q – How long will you know before you have to leave Austin and go to Memphis.

A – It depends on the birhtmother. If a birthmother chooses us before the birth, we will know a due date and will have a time frame. If a birthmother calls from the hospital that she had a baby and wants to terminate her rights, we could get a call once the baby is born. If that is case, we will have a couple of loose ends to tie up in Austin, pack, and head to Memphis.

Q – What happens once you are in Memphis.

A – As far as we know, we will either pick up the baby from the hospital or pick up the baby from interim care (depending on where they are). Then we have to wait about 2 weeks before we can come back to Texas. During that 2 weeks we will be the baby’s caretakers. In that 2 week period, Texas and Tennessee will file paperwork as part of the “Interstate Compact Agreement” that says we can take the baby over state lines.

Q – Where will you stay?

A – We don’t know. We have friends that live in Memphis and people have offered to help up find a place to stay once we get the call.

Q – How is your fund raising going.

A – We have been abundantly blessed by friends and families generous gifts of money, gifts and baby supplies. We are almost to our goal. We are keeping the money in a separate account. Once we reach our goal, we will let you know, but know if you continue to donate we will use that money to fund Jade Rose Ford’s adoption or we will send it to someone else who is adopting (if our finances change before that time). Just know we are being careful stewards of your donations!  If you would like to donate you can email me or donate using the paypal link in the sidebar.

Q – Can you call me, text me, email me when you find out?

A – No promises. We will promise to call/ email/text our immediate family, supporters, and church. If you want to keep up with the latest we will post something on twitter/facebook/this blog when we hear something. If you hear the news and want to forward it to others, please feel free to do so. I just have a feeling once we get that call, email/phone/text are going to be the last thing on my mind.

Q – Can we come to Memphis during those two weeks?

A – Because we will be bonding with this new little person, we would ask for you to stay home, snug in your beds. If we need reinforcements, we will not be shy to ask. We will also be posting update on our blog and twitter. We promise to communicate via the internets to the bet of our ability!

Stay tuned…