Jason and Jenny

We’ve been home in Texas for almost a week now. It has been so great to sleep (what little we get) in our own bed and get to introduce our friends and family to Myles. That said, being home has made us realize how nice we had it in Memphis.

Heading to Memphis, we knew we’d have to find some place to stay for up to two weeks while finalizing the adoption. Hotels are expensive and not the most welcoming environment to bring a new baby home to. Leaving Austin, we called some friends in Memphis to see if they knew anyone with a spare room that could put us up.

Before we finished the drive from Texas, we were sent directions to a house where we were told we could stay for the full two weeks. Some place called Habitat for Hope. We pulled in to the driveway Friday evening, exhausted, unsure what Habitat for Hope even was.

The first thing we noticed was that their property is amazing. Beautiful. Peaceful. Surrounded by forrest. Only twenty minutes from downtown.

As it turns out, Habitat for Hope is this fantastic organization that provides housing, meals, and community for families of seriously ill children (Memphis is home to two children’s hospitals—including St. Jude, for children’s cancer).

We learned later that they have plans to build a full village out there, with 8 single family homes, a chapel, gym, stables, and other community areas. The finished development will house and provide a true support community for more families temporarily in Memphis.

The Horrocks family that founded Habitat for Hope, live in the main house. There is an attached apartment that houses larger families and a couple rooms upstairs that they graciously opened up to us, even though we didn’t really fit the bill for their organization’s mission.

And, while we thought we were just getting free, comfortable housing for our adoption trip, we ended up getting a taste of the love and support Habitat for Hope has given to the 200+ families they’ve housed over the years. It was an unbelievable blessing.

Mark and Mylissa Horrocks invited us into their family with their three kids. We had dinners with the family. We watched movies together. They helped us process through the emotions leading up and after the adoption placement.

Even their other staff were encouraging. One of the couples is also adopting an African American baby and are just a bit behind us in the process. We got to sit with them during that agonizing wait time before we got Myles and talk all about adoption and life in general.

The most amazing thing about all of this was the way God answered a prayer we weren’t even sure how to ask. Jenny lost her Mom when she was in high school and was uneasy about entering motherhood without her own mother to encourage and support her.

Mylissa is trained as a doula. Where Jenny’s mom wasn’t there to guide us, Mylissa was able to help us navigate Myles’ first feeding, first bath, and answer all the paranoid questions new mothers have.

The Horrockses not only met our physical needs, but stepped into our lives and did more than anyone could to help us become parents and fill the emotional void of a motherless new mother.

We are so grateful for what Mark, Mylissa, and Habitat for Hope did for us. It was such an unexpected blessing at such an important time in our lives.

We left Memphis with more than just Myles. We took with us their contagious passion for supporting families in need. We gained new friends. Friends that feel more like family.

Our son has a name…Myles Horton Ford. There is a lot in a name—especially his:

Jenny’s mother’s maiden name (and Jenny’s Nana’s last name) is Horton. We’ve thought it would make a great boy’s name for some time and were glad to get to use it. Jenny’s Mom would have loved to meet little Myles and it is awesome that he has a little of her in him.

He is also named after Myles Horton, an important figure in the Civil Rights Movement. He founded the Highlander Folk School, teaching and heavily influencing many of its leaders, including Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks. We learned about him while visiting the Civil Rights museum this past weekend.

Finally, we came to Memphis thinking we were getting a little girl. The parents of that girl named her Myla. While Myla’s mother and father decided to parent, God had a little boy with a similar name set apart and waiting just for us. Maybe one day Myles and Myla will meet and talk about how their paths crossed so closely this past week.

We brought Myles “home” today, to the home where we are staying in Tennessee while the paperwork is completed that will let us bring him home for real, to Austin. We’re anticipating being on the road early next week.

In the mean time, we’re soaking in every moment with Myles!

What an incredible experience. We just got to meet our son for the very first time. He was born one week ago. He is beautiful. Words can’t describe the feeling of meeting him and knowing he is ours.

How we got here

If you’ve been following our story these past few days, you’ll know that we weren’t expecting a boy just a few days ago. Well actually—Jenny thought we were having a boy from the beginning. She even bought boy bedding for the nursery the same day we ended up getting the call last week. She was convinced

But when we got the call, it was for a little girl in Memphis. We drove out here and met with the birth parents of that little girl, but as the days went by it started to look like they were going to parent after all. In the midst of it, we found out that a little boy had been born just a couple days earlier who was now in interim care, looking for parents.

This afternoon, our agency contacted the birth mother of the girl and we got some closure. She did decide to parent. We could see the mother’s love for that child when we met her and we respect her decision.

Our prayer is for that little girl to be safe, happy, and blessed with love as she grows up. We were glad God was able to let us meet and encourage her parents even though she was not our little girl.

Meeting our little boy

God had a different plan for us when He brought us to Memphis. He had a perfect little boy waiting for us, without any parents to care for him—just waiting for us. If we hadn’t been in Memphis already we may not have gotten him, but God was in control and knew exactly what needed to happen to get us here and ready to receive our son.

He was born one week ago, on Tuesday, January 25, 2011. He weighed 6 pounds, 13 ounces. Healthy. Beautiful.

His birth mother wanted a closed adoption, so we did not get to meet her and likely will not. While we would have loved an open adoption, we know that Jade (our kid on the way, from China) won’t know her birth parents either—so this way they can relate and support each other as brother and sister.

He was released from the hospital on Thursday and has been living with a wonderful family in “interim care” since then. We got to meet him at their house earlier this evening. It was amazing.

Here he is!

Bringing him home

He is still with the interim care family tonight. We go pick him up at 9am tomorrow. We’ll share his name with the world soon…so hold tight.

We’ve been trying to capture each step in journey to (possibly) adopt this little girl from Memphis. While we’re still waiting for word from the agency and birth parents, I thought we’d share the first leg of our journey in photo form:

Thursday

7:00pm

Our new friend, Jesse, comes over for dinner. We talk about how we could get a call from the adoption agency months from now, or later this night.

7:41pm

Debbie from our adoption agency calls to tell us a baby girl was born earlier this morning and the birth parents picked us to be the adoptive parents.

7:55pm

We snap a quick photo of our little family—excited to be adding one more soon!

8:00pm

The house is torn apart as we begin packing to be in Memphis for at least two weeks. We begin calling friends and family to let them know the news.

Jesse stays and does the dishes for us, despite our protests.

9:00pm

Our good friend Terra came over and stayed with us until after midnight ironing clothes, cleaning, helping decide what to bring.

Thankfully Jenny had made a long list of things we’d need in Memphis a few weeks ago. They were able to just tick through the list one item at a time.

1:00am

We’re finished packing and have even published a blog post sharing the news with the rest of our friends and family.

Duke and Dora are totally freaked out. We’ve just torn the house apart and stayed up WAY past our bed times.

They have no idea that their lives are about to change forever.

Friday

4:30am

Our alarm wakes us up. Time to load up the car.

5:30am

We’re on the road to Memphis. Only 11 hours to go!

2:00pm

Phone call with adoption agency. We learn that the birth parents may not be sure they want to make an adoption plan, but they want to meet us at the hospital.

4:00pm

We cross the Mississippi River into Memphis. Stop in at the Carroll’s house for an hour before heading over to The Med.

5:30pm

We’re at The Med, waiting for Debbie from the adoption agency.

5:45pm

We get to meet the birth parents in their hospital room. The baby is not with them, but we have a good visit.

We make a plan with Debbie after the meeting. We’re basically in Memphis for the next week, waiting to see what the birth parents decide.

8:00pm

Arrive at Habitat for Hope, where we are graciously being given a place to stay on this trip. We’re exhausted and collapse in the bed to sleep.

We’ve had several people asking how this process works and when they need to be praying. It is a bit different from state to state, but we have the details for Tennessee.

A word of warning: this is a long and technical post—one you may not want to dive into unless you are really interested in the details of how this baby might become our daughter.

Surrender

Surrender is a legal proceeding that can happen no sooner than 3 days after the baby is born. In our case, this would be Monday (1/31) at the earliest. It is a small proceeding at the court house.

Once completed, the parent has 10 days to change their mind—but they have to go back to court for another proceeding to do so. If they don’t take any action during those 10 days, their parental rights are terminated and they can not be given back.

Guardianship

Guardianship of the child transfers to the adoption agency during the surrender proceeding. At that point, while the agency is still the legal guardian, the child would be in our custody. This is when we could take her back to where we are staying and begin taking care of her.

In our case, however, the baby is still in the hospital due to low birth weight (she’s otherwise healthy!) so even if we did the surrender proceeding on Monday, she wouldn’t be with us 24/7 until she is released later in the week.

This period where the agency is the guardian but we have custody lasts 6 months. We are effectively the parents during this time.

The only way the child could be taken away is if we are shown to be unfit parents in a court of law. Our insurance will work as though everything is final. The only thing not final during this time is legal guardianship.

Interstate compact

The interstate compact is an agreement between the individual states of the U.S. that dictates how interstate adoptions work. If we do move forward to a surrender proceeding early next week, the only thing keeping us from heading back home to Austin will be getting some paperwork filed for this agreement. It can take a week or so to get clearance and a green light to cross state lines.

Final decree hearing

So, if we get this far, we’re back in Austin, the parental rights of the birth parents have been fully terminated, and we’re just waiting out this 6 month period where the adoption agency has guardianship. The last step to transfer guardianship over to us is the final decree hearing.

This is a court proceeding in Texas. We hire an adoption lawyer to represent us and stand before a judge. It is mostly a formality, but an important one as it completely changes the legal standing of this child.

After the final decree, the child gets a new birth certificate with our names on it. A new social security number even. At this point, it is legally as though she were born to us directly.

Step 1: waiting

We’re on the starting block. If we don’t start the race this week, we’re going to run it at some point. Maybe this is just a dress rehearsal. Maybe its the real deal. Right now, we’re waiting and learning to be patient and content.

What a crazy ride the last 24 hours have been! It’s hard to believe how much has happened in the span of  day.

The summary of our situation is that we’ve made it to Memphis. We got to spend an incredible hour of time with the birth parents of this little girl that was born yesterday. We discovered that the birth parents have not fully decided to make a plan for adoption yet, but do seem to be leaning in that direction. And we did not get to meet the little girl herself—at least not yet.

Over 24 hours, our emotional journey has gone from oblivious, to believing we had just become parents, to realizing this may or may not be our little girl—all experienced through the context of adrenaline, nerves, and sleep deprivation.

We are in a period of waiting now. The baby is likely to be in the hospital for much of the next week, due to its small size. The birth parents have our contact information and may be calling or texting us to get back together or just answer some more questions for them. We may have more news tomorrow…or possibly not until late next week.

To be honest, the waiting is pure agony. It has only been 24 hours and we already feel it to our core. We know that God is ultimately in control. He will bring us the child he has for our family—whether it be this little girl or another—in His timing. But knowing and believing that doesn’t take much of the edge off of the feelings we experience.

Yet, when we step back and look at things rationally, we are encouraged. This little girl is surrounded by people who love her and want the best for her. The fact that it has been so difficult for her birth mother and father to decide on adoption is a testament to the love they feel for her. Hundreds of people—in Memphis, Austin, and around the world—have been praying for this little child in the first hours it has had breath.

Even if this turns out not to be the daughter God has for us, it is such a blessing to a part of such an amazing first chapter in this little girl’s life.

Please pray for patience for Jenny and I, wisdom for the birth parents to deal with the weighty decisions before them, and for more love, compassion, and care to be showered upon this newborn that might—possibly—be our little girl one day.

Just a few hours ago we were having dinner at our house with a friend, talking about the adoption process. We said it was strange that it could be months from now or we could get a call tonight.

Not 10 minutes later, the phone rings. 901 area code. Memphis. Our adoption agency.

(we’re both a little bit freaking out at this point)

Jason answered the phone and put it on speaker. The social worker said, “well…I have some baby news!” – we’re really freaking out at this point.

She let us know a little girl was born this morning. Tiny, but healthy. 4 pounds, 11 ounces. African American. And her birth parents chose us to be her new parents.

She asked if we were interested. Like a lovestruck girlfriend surprised with a marriage proposal, our immediate response was “Yes, yes, YES!”

So we’ve spent the last few hours packing our bags. We’re driving to Memphis tomorrow morning. We’re going to meet our daughter tomorrow. Our daughter. So amazing.

There is, of course, the chance that the birth parents could change their mind and decide to parent. The social worker let us know it was unlikely, but something we have to be prepared for nonetheless. The window where that could happen is only open for the next week or two and, while we are taking an emotional risk getting attached to this little girl, we know it is worth it. Ultimately, it is in God’s hands. He knows if this is our daughter.

Adoption is awesome. The emotional ride of becoming a parent is so fascinating. We both went about our days today not even knowing that our daughter was born this morning. One minute we’re sitting at home eating dinner, the next we’re parents.

Time to start this amazing new journey!

That’s right. We’ve opened a second set of adoption paperwork. We’re still adopting from China, but it may be 3-5 years before we are matched with little Jade Rose.

In the mean time, we’ve opened a domestic adoption from Memphis, and should be placed within the next 6 months!

Why Memphis?

Jenny and I spent two of the first three months we were dating in China. In a very real sense, our relationship was born in China, just like Jade Rose will be born in China.

After getting engaged and married, we spent our first year and a half living in Memphis. In that sense, our marriage was born in Memphis.

We know that all of our adopted children will have a unique heritage, having been born outside of our family and adopted in. But by adopting from Memphis and China we are connecting pieces of our family history and origin with the history and origin of our children.

We’re from China. So is Jade. We’re from Memphis. Our first child will be too.

Adopting trans-racially

There is a huge waiting list to adopt white children in Memphis, yet most of the children up for adoption are African-American—and agencies often have to look outside of the state for parents willing to adopt black children.

We actually requested not to be placed with a white baby because of the need in Memphis. And because of that decision, the wait for us to be placed could be as short as two weeks!

We’ve already begun the process of learning what it means to adopt trans-racially—connecting with mentors and neighbors and learning about everything from hair care to handling racial remarks.

It could very well be the case that none of our children share our skin color. Ignoring race is not the answer. We want our children to appreciate and celebrate their racial heritage.

Telling family

Just like with our China adoption, we had fun telling family about our plans for Memphis. I was actually able to tell my parents and grandmother (Grammy) together while having them pose for a picture. “3..2..1…we’re adopting another baby!” (they’re going to think we’re adopting now every time we have them pose for a photo!)

My sister, Michelle also found out she was pregnant earlier this year and is due in February. We may end up with kids just months or even weeks apart, which is kind of fun.

What’s next

We have few pieces of paperwork to finish up this week. We should have everything finalized by Thanksgiving. From that point forward, the wait could be anywhere from two weeks to six months.

We may get matched with an expectant mother with sonograms and a due date…or we could get a call from the hospital letting us know that our baby was just born. We won’t know until it happens. We can’t wait!

Can you help?

Given that our placement could happen in the next month or two, we have an urgent need to raise the funds to complete the adoption. After the adoption tax credit we’ll get from the federal government, we need about $5,000 to cover our expenses. You can learn more about the details here.

We’re asking friends and family to help. If you have the resources, please consider being a part of our adoption in this way. There is a Paypal button in the right-hand column of this page—or if you see us often in-person, you can give that way to avoid the credit card fees.

Thanks for helping make our adoption possible!

Jenny has been working on her own blog for a while now, and many of her posts have been related to our adoptions:

Adoption Series

• Part 1: How to…
• Part 2: Tough Decisions
• Part 3: Interviewing and Choosing an Agency
• Part 4: Agency Application
• Part 5: Money
• Part 6: Listening – Waiting Child Program

Books Related to China and China Adoptions